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How does quiet nerd girl attract type of man she wants? March 20, PM Subscribe year old relationship-newbie nerd girl seeks strong, silent men. Is it possible?
In which context? Anything to do to better my chances? Hi AskMeFi. My question is something along the lines of this posterbut with one crucial difference: while the poster was a girly-girl, I am way on the other side of the spectrum: a bit edgy and not overly feminine.
I've been the perpetual "brain" my entire life, and throughout high school and college have struggled to reconcile being the "smart one" who was different from all the other decked-out girls and being a girl, capable of attracting males. I'm 22 and have never been in a decent, real relationship.
I've had the odd, awkward "serious-friends-hanging-out" platonic relationships with the philospher types of guys, to whom I was initially very attracted to intellectually. But these odd relationships never went anywhere for lots of reasons: they were all much more "thinkers" than "doers," spending lots of time talking about something and never doing anything, forcing me to decide our agendas time and time again, never taking any real intiative.
As a result of failed "not-relationships," I've decided that I really would prefer a more decisive man in my life. To be honest, I attended a geek high school and a geek liberal arts university, so have had little exposure to stronger, aggressive men.
So what are the best dating sites for geeks?
Would a stronger, aggressive man be attracted to a less feminine, brainaic girl? I am growing increasingly weary of seeing men flock to girls with too much eye makeup clutching gigantic Coach purses while gabbing about Gossip Girls. So my questions, I think, are as follows.
But apparently I am missing this chip which Bratz girls have, of going ga-ga over shoes, etc. How do I get guys of all stripes to be interested? I am comfortable talking to men, but only as people, and not as "potential date material. Is there a "type" that is OK with the quiet type? Would the edgier, aggressive men be attracted to me? The only ones who have really persued me are the smart guys, but they are all so geeky and weak see above: ask me out on a date, declare romantic intentions, and then ask where I want to go, and refuse to pick a place, and barely pick up the check.
My father is assertive: it's how I expect men to behave. But it's like I'm a beehive which makes honey that atttacts specifically the geeks.
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Strange metaphor, but it works, I think. Where do they hang out? To what do they respond, in particular? I am not suggesting I morph my personality. I have tried the extroversion route, dressing up a little more, and it failed to attract better-quality men entirely.
Dating tips for when you’re feeling socially awkward
It's just not me. I'm entirely too practical a person, and quiet enough by nature that extroversion is simply exhausting. I am only asking, is there some aspect of my present personality which I can take more care to display, to attract the men I want? Thank you in advance for your help.
As I said, all comments and suggestions are welcome. You needn't specifically answer my questions. I think you're making a mistake by trying to sort people into discrete.
You've put men, other women, and indeed yourself into neat boxes, and you're looking for the occupants of yet another type of box. But people aren't really like that. They may seem to be, especially in school when they're still trying to find themselves. But most people aren't stereotypes. I say, talk to men.
You say you do this anyway, but don't think of the men as 'potential date material', but really, what is the difference between a friend and a boyfriend? At least in the beginning, attraction is it. Just talk to guys, find one you're attracted to, and ask him out. I hope this didn't seem flippant- it isn't. But I can tell you that I wound up with a guy who didn't fit a lot of my 'dating criteria', yet I've never been happier.
Wait 10 years or date 30 year olds.
Most young guys fall into two : Dumb or Wimpy. I said Most! Wimpy guys are wimpy because they think too much guilty as charged. Also, its helpful to drop something on the first date like "Oh I'm not sure what I want, what do you think I should get? They are looking for someone who challenges and fascinates them. Be quiet and dependent and you'll just attract hyenas. Be interesting and independent and the tigers will come.
Squat rack. Gadget at PM on March 20, [ 1 favorite ]. It sounds like you are a thinker and not a doer as well. Of the guys you've been attracted to have you really taken the initiative? Did you ask any of them out?
Did you tell them your real feelings? Did you ever try to take it to the next step? I can't tell if you have done these things based on what you've said but it sounds like you're putting the pressure on the guys to do it when you won't. Maybe the guys you've had close relationships with in the past are just like you, hoping that you will take the first step into a real relationship.
Gotta get more comfortable somehow.
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I don't know about assertive guys, but you can probably find strong guys at gyms, amateur sports leagues, marathons, bike rides, etc. Maybe you could take up a sport or something? Ah, sorry, I mis-read that. You can disregard my comment. Just to clarify my incoherent point: you can be independent, strong-willed and full of confidence without compromising on the things you find important in a gender dynamic--you don't want to ask a guy out or pick the place or pay or order etc etc, understood.
Looking for a gal to geek out with? try these nerd-centric dating sites
But you can and should have opinions: you want him to ask, you like thai food, you have money, you enjoy pad thai. Also, if you've never been in a real decent relationship, how can you say for certain what you need? Be yourself, don't try to push yourself to be extroverted or any other "way" that you're not. Guys can probably tell that you're uncomfortable. Guys don't care about that, unless they mistake your discomfort for annoyance which is entirely possible! For some reason I was strangely offended reading this post. I wear makeup everyday, and UGGs and would love a huge coach bag of I could afford one I think your stereotypes are a problem, and I'd suggest trying to make friends with a more diverse circle, and dating will come!
I've pretty much only met guys through friends.
I have two female friends with PhDs, neither particularly feminine, though both quite capable of being flirty both of whom are married to non-brainy type tradesmen. They are all very happy. Both guys seem to be incredibly proud of their girlfriends' smarts, and really worship them.
The girls love having a practical, super-reliable guy to 'look after' them even though they're both very independent people. So there are precedents that say that this combo can work, and work really well at that. One of the couples met as housemates, and the other met online. So I'm not sure there's a magic answer to how to find guys like this. I suspect others are right and you might have to look to or wait for slightly older guys. Maybe you could some kind of mixed sporting team?
P.s. i love you
I imagine half of your problem is that if you're doing brainy type activities, you're likely to be meeting other brainy types. Of course there's hope in love for girls like you! I'm also struck by jeb's observation - you're mighty quick to sort people except yourself into. It's not going to help you make female friends if you're automatically assuming that any girl wearing makeup or stylish clothing is a Bratz clone, or that any guy who has some depth is weak.
Your problem isn't that you've been dating nerdy guys. You've been dating indecisive guys, you've got some fairly traditional expectations and it's not clear you're communicating them up front.
Are you telling them straight up when you want them to plan something - and they flake out on you? Or are you hoping and then being disappointed when they don't perform to your mental spec? Are you stepping up and contributing ideas or is it the guy's job to do it all?