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My brother and his wife have been married for 28 years. Their are 25 Both out of the house and on their own. The oldest finished college and works in her chosen field.
The youngest is finishing college and go to grad school. My brother did his best friend.
My brother is a full time teacher and quite well treated by his students, administration and the parents. His own adore him. His wife no longer works because she's depressed cliniy depressed and on meds. She naps all day. She's been off work now for so, she's no longer qualified to work in her very competitive field.
She's been in AA since the were 15 It's her new addiction. All her friends are from AA. She doesn't feel comfortable around non-addicts. Saying she has nothing in common with them. When she was using she never had a problem with us though. Since their youngest is out of the house my brother realized what the rest of his life has become nursemaid to his wife. She is replaying her own mother's life.
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The FIL does all the cleaning, cooking, preparations, and care taking while his wife naps. This started after they had been married for 8 years and their own were born. The MIL has been institutionalized a few times for depression. My SIL is heading down this same road. You two don't have and please don't.
Your situation is bleak and only get worse with the resentment building. You might have years "invested" in her but it's not worth it to be tied to her for another years.
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