- I am 43
Washington : With teens getting more exposure to the Internet, they get more opportunities to explore sexual content on the web.
I think, on some level, we all realize this day is going to happen eventually. So, as a parent, what can you do? Before you talk with your child, take the time to cool down and get some emotional distance from the situation.
Indeed, when you first find out, you may be freaking out, and no one does well under those circumstances. You may need to look inward to understand and define your own values before you sit down and discuss them with your. But they may not be, not even to you, the parent. Your teen having sex may have come as a complete surprise to you, in which case, it may never have occurred to you to have those values figured out.
After all, to most parents of teenagers, it seems like just yesterday they were still in diapers. If possible, you want to parent as a team and present a unified front even if you are not entirely in agreement on how to proceed.
Or, kids learn to get off the hook for a behavior problem by playing one parent off the other. Kids also quickly figure out that the focus is no longer on them when their parents are fighting with each other. Therefore, keep the focus on your child whenever your child is present, and address disagreements with your spouse in private.
The next step is to sit down with your child and explain your beliefs, values, and expectations regarding sexual activity. For example, you could say to your child:. These choices have serious consequences. We care about you and want to be sure you make good decisions.
Some families feel very strongly that premarital sex is not okay. Intense Adolescent Relationships.
Make the rules of your home clear to your. And when your child breaks the rules, hold them able. But you are responsible for making the rules, communicating the rules, and giving effective consequences when your child breaks the rules. Or you might discuss some of the consequences of sex such as pregnancy or STDsand what your teen can do to protect themselves. Then, set limits around how much supervision is required when spending time with the opposite sex. Instead, focus on what you can control, namely your response, reactions, limits, and boundaries.
And help your child learn the skills needed to make better choices. Related content: Parenting Teens: Parental Authority vs. Peer Pressure.
Denise Rowden is a parent of two adult children and has been a parenting coach since She has worked in Special Education, Alternative Education and adolescent group homes. You must log in to leave a comment. Don't have an ?
Create one for free! My 15 yr old daughter has just told me she has had unprotected sex with someone who wasn't her boyfriend.
She has taken the morning after pill. I am devastated.
I feel that I don't know my daughter - she has so little self respect to have "sold out so cheaply" and not surprisingly, she is now being targeted via social media. I have made her disable all s.
I want to protect her but at the same time register with her my absolute disapproval for what she has done - I have had discussions in the past about relationships -and have no idea how to respond. Not sure if I posted a similar post a few hours ago as my brain is all over the place.
Would appreciate your advice if anyone can advise. My 15 year old daughter has just told me that she had unprotected sex 2 days ago - with a boy who is not even her boyfriend. I feel so angry with myself as she seems to have such little self respect that she is "selling out so cheaply".
What to do when you find out your teen is sexually active
I tried so hard to stay calm, but couldn't help letting my feelings known about my sadness for her that sex should be in a respectful relationship and that she has "made her bed As she is now being targeted on social media - I've managed to get her to delete all s but the only advice I can give her is that she has to hold her head up high and admit she is an idiot. Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family.
Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.
Teenagers find information about sex on the internet when they look for it - and when they don't
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